Hello viewing several.
Apologies for not having blogged recently. Since returning from Montana I’ve been busy with work - our Sale, processing new Autumn stock, going to buying appointments to select for next Spring - the usual at this time of year.
All excuses for not doing other stuff. The truth is I’ve been feeling decidedly uncreative and uninspired. Dear Lou suggested that everyone feels a bit blue after a nice holiday. Perhaps she’s right. Whatever the reason, it feels as if I’m wading through treacle at the moment.
The washing away of summer by the endless grey skies and rain may have added to my mood. But “the sky’s still blue above the clouds”, so that’s a poor excuse really. As I tweeted recently, Abraham Lincoln said: “We are as happy as we make up our minds to be.” Nicely said and completely true. So why am I being such a miserable cow?!
I spoke to my son last week - a bittersweet conversation. I was delighted to hear that he’s found both peace and a purpose in life, after all my years of worrying about and advising him. It’s another lesson in patience and not interfering for me. (Oh I have such a lot to learn!)
To hear him finally embrace the idea that he is in control of his own life and can make of it what he chooses was both exhilarating and heart wrenching. I still wanted to be the one who might influence and advise him (like I got it right any other time?) and yet I was overjoyed that he is growing up and away from me.
The irony of the situation was not lost on me as I listened to him tell me of his satisfaction in making plans and following them through. I was reminded of the brilliant Kalil Gibran writing in The Prophet:
Children
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
To think of all the years I’d spent trying to explain these very things and now he has found his way without me - just as I had prayed he would. Be careful what you wish for...
As I sat and listened to his plans and dreams, and then to his advice to me, the teacher became the pupil, the parent became the child. This is the conversation we had:
Me: “So we’ve decided not to move to Montana or get a puppy. Now we’ve closed the shoe shop we have the chance to consolidate and enjoy our original business with no stresses and no dramas. For the first time in years we can relax and just take things as they come.”
Max: “So you’re sitting twiddling your thumbs? You’re bored then?”
Me: “No.” (Thinking “yes”).
Max: “Well you know Maw, living a quiet life can be positive. It gives you time to enjoy the little things. It’s amazing how simple things can become important when you give yourself time just to be.”
Me: “Yes, I can see how that might be true.”
Max: “And besides, it’s nice for the people close to you. You’ve no idea how frustrating it was for us looking on and seeing you stressed out the whole time, and unable to do anything but watch.”
“Oh.”
Well that was me told. Another irony - all the years I’d been thinking that very thought about Max, and he’d been feeling the same way about me. Hm. Now that really made me think.
And so I find myself once again wondering what it’s all about, and laughing at my own expense. The universe does indeed give us what we want but often at a time and in a way that we least expect it.
