Sunday 5 June 2011

The Fruit of my Labour


It's Friday night and I'm enjoying a wee white wine after a long week of creativity, lol. I was complaining about being stiff last night after my art class, and Chris did a big pantomime laugh and said "Don't be silly, you've been standing about all day!"


Yes I have, and I loved it! My three days at West Dean College, immersing myself in drawing, were, what? Nerve wracking, challenging, cathartic, educational. Relaxing? No.


I arrived on the Tuesday night with a lot to prove to myself. And having been asked to reveal our previous experience, a lot to prove to others. What I found, amongst all my ego-driven angst, is that we are all creative beings and that whatever we create has a value that is beyond the culture that we live in.


I draw the way I did when I was an art student. No real surprise there, considering that my last experience of drawing was as a student. I was both pleased and disappointed by this discovery. 


My classmates (who ranged from young art students to retired ladies with time to devote to their passion) were impressed by my ability to capture form and movement. Our tutor (from the Slade School of Art and a talented painter in her own right) less so. Or maybe that was my imagination. 


No, definately that was my imagination. You see I had decided that my way of drawing wasn't good enough. I know how I draw. I draw the way I do everything - impatiently and lazily! By this I mean that I don't look carefully enough at the model and I don't take the time to translate what I see into meaningful marks on paper.


I'd rather use lots of marks in the hope that one of them will be right, than consider what I really want to say. Now there's nothing wrong with that, nothing at all. But I still felt that I should be doing it differently.


(Actually that's not strictly true. What's wrong with it is that I know that if I were to trust my instincts rather than my mind, I'd be a much better artist.)


The start of my insight came when we sat together at the end of the course for a short critique. We were all nervous, seeing around us images that we wished we'd created instead of our own. But as we moved around the room discussing each of our work, I was touched by the way these random marks came together to form something meaningful. 


On my return Chris asked me if I had enjoyed my course. My response must have been less than convincing because he asked me several times. Yes was my reply. I found it stimulating and inspiring, but also unsettling. It made me question my motivation to create. 


Do I want to be a professional artist? No. Would I like to study art full time? Not at the moment. Did I want to be better, learn more? Yes. I realised that there is no distinction between 'good' and 'bad' art. All creation is good. It puts us in touch with a power beyond ourselves and allows us to transform this power into form. Wow. That's pretty cool!


There, I've taken the first step. And it wasn't as scary as I'd thought. So I'll keep on creating, for my own pleasure and because I can.


Laura x